Ask Stonekettle Station

Today’s Google Search Phrase:  Did Mr. Bobbit’s penis work after being reattached?

We’re glad you asked.

Honestly we were starting to wonder if any of you actually knew what the internet was invented for.  Before the magic of instantaneous global communications and access to all the collected knowledge of the human race, you’d just have to wonder what Brittney’s Girl Gadget looked like, you’d have no access to penguin/crabapple/Cheney slash porn,  and you’d never know the fate of John Bobbit’s Hobbit. 

This, my friends, is why the Internet exists.

 

Did Mr. Bobbit’s penis work after being reattached?

Short answer: No, after its unemployment benefits ran out, it went on welfare and never worked again.

Longer answer lasting more than four hours: Mr. Bobbitt’s penis never worked reliably again – though this was not exactly a hard and fast rule.  As you know the penis attempted to sever all ties with Mr. Bobbitt. However, after its failed attempt to strike out on its own, and icy return to its original owner which left it in stitches, the penis was so traumatized – cut to the quick you might say and scarred by its experience – that it was never up to its previous stature.  For a while it worked intermittently as a turtleneck model, but it quickly plumbed the depths of that life. It tried singing, even cutting an album, but the critics said its performance was flaccid and lacked staying power. The penis limped along for while, pissed at the world, hanging out here and there, feeling exposed and deflated.  Increasingly it needed drugs just to get up in the morning, but the pills left it feeling wooden. Eventually it plunged into society’s seamy underbelly and worked briefly in amateur porn – but the competition was stiff and no one would pay it even lip service.    Rejected by society’s rigid expectations and stiff-necked disdain, the penis was on the brink of suicide when suddenly opportunity was thrust upon it.  The penis discovered others like itself, the ones society saw only as worthless dicks. After rubbing shoulders with others of its kind, it found that it could handle itself in public.  Eventually it found a job in broadcasting.  A lot of  people still think it’s still nothing but a stubby little jerkoff, and some days it feels a little Rushed so to speak, but you really couldn’t call what it does work.

 

Glad we here at Stonekettle Station could help, that’s what we’re here for. Hope that answers your question, dickhead.